fuck it


...if I even remember how to do this. Wow. LJ has changed drastically. Unsurprising, really!

I'm curious about how fandom is functioning on LJ these days, if it is. I'm suddenly jazzed about a new fandom for the first time in TEN YEARS.

Funny though... no impulse to write in it. The only impulse to write I really have is to FINISH my Krycek fics.

Off to cruise the LJ scene to see what kind of Stucky-ness I can find.
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    curious curious
fuck it

christmas miracles...?

UNbelievable, but I actually just wrote something. And finished it.

WAKING THE DEAD - for the Holiday Zine. It's being proofed as we speak, and will go to Lynda as soon as that's done. Hopefully later today.

So, yeah, Christmas miracles, I guess!

I discovered the news of Ursula's death within the last few weeks. drinteot heard about it, and told me, then mentioned the Holiday Zine was going to be dedicated to her, and suggested "why not write a story for it, in memory of her?"

So I did. Because it struck me as something I could do with the sadness. And because, after all, what drinteot wants, drinteot gets. And because Ursula meant a lot.

Still, I feel like the long lost relative showing up at the funeral after not seeing the deceased in years. A story for someone is certainly more meaningful when the person can still read it. That makes me sad. But at the very least, I did want to honor her memory and a story did feel like an appropriate way to do that.

I was finishing a story for betagoddess when she passed, more suddenly than expected. I was about to meet her in person for the first time about two weeks later.

Another death later, and I stopped writing. Among other things. I 'stopped' completely, in a way. Restarted the writing once or twice for a moment, in a burst of inspiration, and ground to a halt, frequently due to ye old nemesis Circumstances.

Another death, and I've written a story. Started and finished in the space of two weeks, which is very much the Old Me. Nice to know I can still do it... hopefully the story holds the old spark.
fuck it

thanks :)

Thank you all so much for all the responses to my last post. :)

It's so nice to see people are still out there reading, and I got so many responses so quickly... it was really sweet, and so nice to see so many familiar names are still around.

And I very much appreciate all the well-wishes. Among other distressing happenings in the last 12 to 18 months, I lost my beloved dad six months ago. We were extremely close and spent a lot of time together, even more so after he got sick. It was a difficult illness (lung cancer compounded by Alzheimer's). It's been an awful year and I've had a terrible time adjusting to life without him.

Each expression of caring and support from my friends far and wide makes a difference. Thank you.
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    touched touched
fuck it

time and tides

I just went into my "ratadder" yahoo email (the snakedoctor13 one) for something to do with twitter, of all things (&*#%$@#), and after clearing out messages and seeing feedback messages (how incredibly sweet... after all this time), I thought I'd post over here as well.

It's been an extremely difficult year, with a lot of personal tragedy that has affected me deeply for many many months. I haven't been writing at all, most of the time. But there have been glimmers when I have written, and there are still stories out there.

As I said to someone in an email... I still have hopes for certain story arcs, but hopes aren't stories. :-/

Sorry for that.

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    okay okay
fuck it

and time just ticks on...

Once upon a time, I was working on a big story (MK - Suffer the Children) and finally getting somewhere. And I had a few plans for additional stories that had been half started. Mostly in the Resist and Serve line. But I wanted to finish Suffer the Children first because I was trying to finish it for a friend who was seriously ill.

Then, something happened.

She died. Before I could give her "her" story.

And something just 'went out'. I haven't written anything... or even touched this journal or my yahoo account... since then.

Something completely unrelated necessitated me signing into my yahoo account today, and I went in and cleaned it out and replied to the feedback that was there that had been sadly neglected. And in doing so, decided to actually open up my journal again. See if my webpage still exists. (It does!)

Recently I started thinking about StC again, and feeling like I really would like to finish it, because I hate unfinished.

Her life feels unfinished, and I hate that too.
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    melancholy melancholy
fuck it


I am so happy. I am making REAL PROGRESS on Suffer the Children, my huge MK. I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. Whee! I don't put estimates on finishing anymore, because... er, yeah. Not a good practice. But I have a SELF-estimate/deadline, which is really satisfying.

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    ecstatic ecstatic
fuck it

still writing

Yep. Still around. Still writing. Two stories. Well, more than that, really. But two I'm actively working on. One is huge... stand alone M/K. The other, the next R&S story... who knows what it will end up being.

Just realized, I never did post that last story to the basement. Ought to do that.
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    busy busy